A new school year means a lot of new and challenging things for our kids to navigate. What looks small from the outside can feel very big to our kids. A child who looks “fine” at school can actually be working hard to fit in, hold it together, or manage all the sensory input coming their way.
And sometimes, even the things our kids do to cope and regulate can be misunderstood (and judged) by those around them, whether it’s classmates or teachers. So, as we head into a new school year, here are 5 things we wish more people understood about supporting a child with emotional regulation and sensory processing challenges.
5 things we wish schools knew
1. My child experiences sounds, textures, tastes, smells, and sights differently than other kids.
Ever had to explain to another parent why your child is melting down over a tag in their shirt or why they clap their hands over their ears at a sound that didn’t seem loud to you? Bright lights, weird food textures, scratchy fabric, and busy visual spaces can quickly overwhelm a child with sensory sensitivities — and it’s not something they can just push through or ignore. We wish people knew that the tools our kids use to cope, like a weighted blanket, a trampoline, or noise-canceling headphones, aren’t indulgences — they’re what lets our child function.
2. My child isn’t “fine” — they’re masking.
If you’ve ever heard a teacher say, “We’re not seeing that at school,” you might already be seeing masking in action. Sometimes neurodivergent kids who seem “fine” are actually working the hardest just to get through the day — holding it together, following expectations, blending in. We wish people knew that this effort has a cost, and it often shows up the moment our kids walk through the door at home.
3. My child is stimming, so what?
From the outside, it can look like a child is fidgeting for no reason or simply not paying attention. But when a child is stimming — rocking, hand-flapping, leg tapping, quiet humming — they aren’t being “disruptive” they’re regulating. Most of the time, stimming isn’t harmful, and it’s rarely a real reason for a child to be pulled from a general ed classroom.
4. OCD doesn’t always look like what you see on TV.
Sometimes OCD looks like a child needing constant reassurance, repeatedly asking the teacher to go to the bathroom, or redoing homework over and over until it’s “just right.” For kids, it can look a lot like perfectionism or anxiety, which means it’s often missed or misdiagnosed, especially at school. And guess what? No amount of reassurance will help them “get over it.” In fact, giving reassurance is a big no-no for OCD — but here’s what actually helps.
5. My child isn’t “misbehaving.” They’re just overwhelmed.
From the outside, it can look like our kiddos are “misbehaving” or having a tantrum over something small. The reality is that they may be completely overwhelmed and not yet have the skills to regulate those big feelings. And for many kids, being flexible when things don’t go as planned is a skill they’re still learning, too. A change in routine, having to stop a favorite activity, or hearing “not today” can feel much bigger than it seems from the outside.
Hot topics
- Should I help my child stop masking?
- School disability acceptance guide for parents
- How to create a sensory-friendly school culture
Numbers to note: 60%
Data shows that up to 60% of individuals with Tourette syndrome have been reported to have OCD symptoms, 50% of children with OCD are reported to have had tics, and 15% met criteria for Tourette’s. OCD can co-occur with autism and ADHD. Learn how OCD often co-occurs with other conditions and why it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between overlapping symptoms.
Undivided Conversations → Streaming on Facebook and YouTube
Your Child Stims for a Reason — Here’s What It Means → Saturday, August 29, 10:00 a.m. PT. From sensory systems to behavior plans to what to do when stimming feels overwhelming at home — tune in as stimming experts help you better understand and support your child.
Office hours → Wednesday, September 2, 12:00 p.m. PT
If you have questions about your child’s accommodations, services, goals, or anything else in their IEP, join us for office hours with Non-Attorney Education Advocate Lisa Carey. During office hours, you can ask your question in our members-only Zoom session and get answers right away. Sign up here to participate→
FREE live Q&A – Turn Your Child’s IEP into an Advocacy Plan: an IEP Assistant Walkthrough→ Thursday, September 17, 12:00 p.m. – 12:30 p.m. PT
Prep for discussions with your IEP team like never before! Undivided’s IEP Assistant is debuting new features like the ability to upload assessments and private reports to get even more personalized insights on how to strengthen your child’s IEP. Join us for a FREE webinar with CEO Seth Besse, who will give you an up-close-and-personal tour of the IEP Assistant and answer questions about how it all works. RSVP here to sign up→
Exclusively for Undivided members: The Parent Circle → Thursday, September 24, 12:30 p.m. PT
The Parent Circle is a monthly gathering over Zoom where parents can connect with other parents who understand this journey. Led by a licensed therapist specializing in supporting parents of children with disabilities (and a mom herself), each session offers thoughtful conversation, practical coping strategies, and plenty of room for honest, real-life discussion. This event is open to Undivided members only, so if you’re a member, RSVP here→
What are your family’s wins (small or big!) from the first few weeks of school? We’d love to hear! Join the conversation in our private Facebook group→
Could clutter in your child’s space be causing problems with regulation or motivation? Hear from designer Beatrice Tokayer on Instagram→
Worried about your child’s stimming leading to teasing or bullying? Hear from advice from clinical psychologist Dr. Allison Ratto on our YouTube channel→
Help make the back-to-school season easier for more families! Share Undivided’s free resources on LinkedIn→
